somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
