Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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