High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
