So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
