Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
