almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize