why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
