I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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