I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize