just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
