Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you win again, gameday.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Panties = found
Randomize
