just come out here and I will go home with you...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cut my penus on the lid.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
