I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need water and some morals
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
