Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
