i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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