and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
