3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
