somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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