it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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