ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
