I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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