my vag is so smooth its legendary
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
