i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dick has a subreddit
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
