hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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