I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
