his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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