I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
