dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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