take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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