im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
