wakey wakey hands off snakey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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