no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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