Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
