He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
