He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
