I CAN MOONWALK!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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