I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
