Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
bring money and cleavage
This gyro tastes like lonliness
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
