I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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