I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
