i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
