i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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