hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
