Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
