i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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