Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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