I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
