So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sex in the backyard? Check.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize