just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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