if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
