His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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