I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
