How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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