She just used a chaser for red wine.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
