I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
40s are totally the cure
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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