I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
