Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
