Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
