It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
