I hope mine doesn't look like that
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
