Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
