we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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