would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
