he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
