Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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