At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
