I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
