we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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