Where is the hickey?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize