you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
