why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
