you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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