i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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