I am midnight drunk by noon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
