So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
