You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
