I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
