Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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