I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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